I would notice the tension in my feet, and then she would tell me to clench as hard as I could and release. She made her way up my body—my calves and thighs—taking her time—my hands and forearms—sinking into the chair, concentrating, tensing, and releasing, until I found myself sitting there so profoundly relaxed that my head felt heavy, and I could have, if she would have let me, drift away and fallen asleep right there. “Notice how heavy your arms feel. They want to sink deeper and deeper into the armrest. You don’t want to move them, but even if you did, you don’t know if you could.” My arms were heavy, and, no, I didn’t want to move them, but I’m sure I could; I just didn’t want to. She let me open my eyes.“Walk me through your nightly routine. What do you do when you get ready for bed?”I went through the list: brush my teeth, undress, turn on the fan, turn off the lights—and then, without realizing what I was doing, in the very same tone of voice, I told her that I would often. I have made myself personally responsible for the fate of every human being who has come my way.We travel, some of us forever, to seek other states, other lives, other souls.I stopped loving my father a long time ago. What remained was the slavery to a pattern.Each contact with a human being is so rare, so precious, one should preserve it.Living never wore one out so much as the effort not to live.The personal life deeply lived always expands into truths beyond itself.What I cannot love, I overlook. Is that real friendship?The human father has to be confronted and recognized as human, as man who created a c***d and then, by his absence, left the c***d fatherless and then Godless.The possession of knowledge does not kill the sense of wonder and mystery. There is always more mystery.There are many ways to be free. One of them is to transcend reality by imagination, as I try to do.The dream was always running ahead of me. To catch up, to live for a moment in unison with it, that was the.
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