Mene fir uska chehra chhati se laga liya, kuchh der ke liy ham chup ho gaye. Fir usne meri aankho me dekha or bola aaj se men tumhe sumi kahuga, mein boli mere to tum sanjay hi ho, tum mujhe jo chahe bolo.Wo bola aaj mujhe tum par bahut pyar aa raha he. Men boli to thoda sa kar lo, kuchh bura bhi na ho or ye pyar lot bhi na jay bas itna karna, usne mere gal par ek chumban le liya mene aankhe band kar li, fir usne mere hont chum liye men kanp gai, usne mujhe banho me bhar kar hont chusne suru kar diye mera dil joro se dadkane laga, laga ke me behosh ho jaungi, or fir usne ek hath meri chhati ki golai par rakh diya, me ghabra gai or chhutne ki koshish krne lagi, wo bola kya hua, mene boli ye sab nahi, wo bola bas ! Abhi-abhi, kitni badi bat ki thi, tumne jane man! Tum to abhi se mukar gai, men boli nahi aesi bat nahi tumahre liy abhi mar sakti hun, par ye sab nahi, wo bola abhi tumne kaha payar kar lo thoda sa jisme aage kuchh bura na ho, or abhi tum dur bhagti ho. Tum to abhi se juban. I get it. I understand it. I want it for me. You are amazing Arie. You fulfill one of my needs as I do yours. However, I’m realizing that I have so many more that need to be fixed. And when it smacks me in the face, I hurt for it. And I guess your text did just that. I wanted to tell you that at lunch, but when I saw you and how happy you were and those big brown eyes looking at me so carefree, I didn’t want to ruin it. I know what we have, truly I do. It’s purely sexual. And I really thought I was able to separate sex from feelings. I thought if I could have sex like a man purely to just have sex without guilt, feelings or emotions, it would be fun. But I’m finding the more time I spend with you the more I cannot be that man. You are not like my other affairs. We spend a great deal of time together. Plus you want to do things with me, which confuses me. I’m getting mixed signals. So why don’t I just quit you? You have become my drug. The high you give me, is something no drug has.
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