Doc says he's told you what youneed." he eventually said. And, well, he had a point. Not like thedoctor had lied to me at any point was it? And this guy was slimmer thanHank, clean shaven, looked a bit more feminine in short. Believe it ornot, I'm still straight. Straight as a male, I mean, I like girls. If Ican just jump ahead in the story a bit, it was Grigor's - who is one ofthe soldiers - birthday and in addition to me there were a couple ofprostitutes there. I ended up in the shower with one of them. We madeout, washed each other, I licked her, kissed her breasts all that kind ofthing. Now I orgasm quite regularly to be honest, its just a physicalresponse turns out, but the only time I remember getting any mentalrelease from one is the two of us on the shower floor fingering eachother with my mouth on her nipples. Sure the fact that there were twentyodd drunk Russians masturbating a few feet away didn't help but you takewhat you can get in my position and at least I. I want, to look across a crowded room, into his eyes, and feel a connection. When I look up and find his eyes on me, his gaze twisting around mine, tripping over me, landing on the placed I love to be touched most. What I have when I look across that crowded room is someone who glances at me briefly, then looks away as if I am someone who has just crossed past a corner in his life. I hold no true importance. Easily dismissible. Someone once asked me what I thought was worst, A) to live your life once know passion, but to have lost it, or B) to live your life never knowing passion at all. I of course, very predictable, chose A. For I have once lived my life with passion, whether it was showered upon me or it simple poured from thee self. My sentences are jumbled…my thoughts are lost to me … all I know is I don’t recognize myself these days. I try to find my solace in nature. In the summer I can be found swimming at midnight under the stars. And when the weather grows cold and rainy.
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