That makes five years in a row.Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven’t met yet...I don’t need anger management. I need people to stop irritating me!When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment ... Now, as a grown up, it just feels like a small vacation...My people skills are just fine. It’s my tolerance of idiots that needs working on.If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would’ve put them on my knees.The kids text me “plz” which is shorter than please. I text back “no” which is shorter than “yes.”I’m going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I’ll do the second week.Even duct tape can’t fix stupid ... but it can muffle the sound!Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just gonna transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway?Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.This item is compliments of an Anonymous donor:A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs.Three women, an. ” Humne chai nasta kar liya. Usha didi ne saf safai kar di. TV pe ek movie dekhli aur tab tak meri masi ready ho gayi. Kya batau dosto, woh red dress mein woh kisi pari se kaam nahi lag rahi thi.Humara plan bana beach pe janeka. Sham ke kuch 5 baj rahe the. Masa ne apni gadi nikali. Masa drive kar rahe the main unki baju wali seat par baitha tha. Aur masi peeche wali seat par thi. Woh peeche se hum dono ko chana khila rahi thi. Us waqt masi kafi naughty mood mein thi.Hum beach pahuch gaye. Waha jyada public nahi thi. Waha masa ne car park ki aur humne ek acha spot dekh kar jagah par baith gaye. Kuch time spent karne ke baad masi ne masa se kaha, “Jaan mujhe bhook lagi hai, jaa kar kuch leke aoo na.” Masa ne kaha thee hai. Woh jane lage.Masi aur meri aise hi baate ho rahi thi ki meri nazar ek couple par padi. Woh couple ek tree ke piche baithe hue the aur smooching kar rahe the. Masi kuch bol rahi thi par ab mera dhyan kahi aur tha. Mera dhyan toh tree ke piche wale couple par tha..
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