The "listening devices" had been checked, were in good order, and he showed up, actually a little early. He had inquired about my presence and she assured him that I would be fully involved in taking care of the c***dren.I heard the knock on her door and she, dressed in her satin dress, invited him in and he set up his equipment to do the shoot. He marvelled at her dress and her beauty...and, she, rather coyly, thanked him.He got her to sit in one of the nice chairs in our bedroom and began to give her instructions for different angles. Along the way, he declared that she was beautiful enough to be a model. Would she be interested? Again, the problem of baby sitters, etc., shortage of money, and he said, "If we can get a small income stream going, would it be possible?" Not knowing what I would think of that, she said, "Let me think about it and I will call tomorrow and let you know."Almost like ESP, he said, "It would be great if we could get some shots in attire other than the. Step five: I stepped into the dress. It felt impossibly short, and thepetticoats lifted the hem even higher. It was like wearing a long t-shirt with no pants. But it was form-fitting. I liked the way it huggedmy bodice.Was this sissidom?I moved across the room, and Cynthia smiled at me. She said she thoughtI was pretty.I thought so, too.*I began to wear dresses daily, all the time. I know Dr. Martin hadsuggested I just wear them while I cleaned, but they felt too nice totake off. Pink and yellow and patterned and black and blue and white. Ifell in love with heels. Lingerie was delicious. I realized I had beenfighting women's clothing, but I was all in now. I was never withoutmakeup or jewelry.I stopped objecting to the word "sissy." I started thing of myself inthose terms. I copied Cynthia's movements, the way she touched herneck, the way she held her hands. I watched movies, and I identifiedwith the women's role.On Tuesday, I walked into Dr. Martin's office carefully. I was.
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