"The squawk of the alarm grated on her soul. Beatriz groaned as she slid out of bed and stumbled to the bathroom. She sat during her shower because she didn't trust her legs. The hot water soothed her but also emphasized her dry mouth and made her feel queasy. She skipped breakfast and instead opted for four aspirin, a glass of water, and sitting with her head resting against her kitchen table. Through sheer will, she forced herself to get dressed, stumble out her door, and head off to work."I need to learn restraint," she mumbled as she rubbed her temples. The glare of the morning sun off her computer screen felt like tiny daggers stabbing her eyes."You look like hell," Shawn offered as he walked by.Her head hurt too much to come up with a snarky reply. She didn't risk a rude gesture in case her boss was around. By lunch, three empty water bottles adorned her desk and yet her mouth still felt like it was stuffed with cotton. The remainder of the afternoon was spent with her head in. Sometimes I would allow my mind to wander further, wondering with a sense of awe that bordered upon near religious dread, what her breast would feel like under her top. How soft it would be, so welcoming and inviting. My breath would catch itself, coming only in short ragged bursts, leaving my mouth to work wordlessly in disharmony with my brain as it processed such carnal delights. Would her heart beat faster? Surely not as hastily as mines. I dreamed that my heart would pummel forever louder and faster in my chest, maintaining a menacing tempo to my desire, as if by beating all the louder it would somehow drown out the rising tide of illicit desire rising within the essence of my being. When I closed my eyes and thought of these things, the world and its ills simply slid away. No more doubt or fear, no more worry or pain. In its place was that most coveted thing of all: oblivion. A significant proportion of my life was spent as if in a dream, or more precisely a nightmare. I.
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