I could be her subject as long as I could be myself. But that wouldn’t be me. I wouldn’t be myself. It’s so clear to me now I almost laugh. I don’t want to go back to Carl. I don’t want to leave June. I don’t want the life I had. What I have is certainly fucked up, but I like so much of it. When this is over, I want to go back to June and have her serve me. I want to cuddle in her arms tonight while she tells me I don’t have to worry about Reyna. Sure, I’d love to call Maria and have her over for wine and bad movies. If she talks on and on about serving Reyna, that’s fine. I’ll talk on and on about June serving me. It’s not the life I had, but it’s a new normal. It’s a good normal. It’s better than watching Netflix with Carl until he asks for a hand job and passes out. It’s better than making spaghetti each night and going through a boring life. The life Reyna is offering me, the old life, isn’t the life I want anymore. “What’s the other option?” I ask. Reyna smiles, and in that. "Oh my god. I sounded like a desperate loser. I opened my mouth to backtrack when he shut off the bike and climbed off and stepped onto the sidewalk. I gave him a nervous smile and he followed me. I unlocked the door and we climbed up the stairs. I unlocked the apartment and let him inside, shutting the door after him.I took off my jacket and laid it on the arm of the couch. He took his off and did the same."So... this is the living room," I said as we stood in the middle of the small room."My kitchen is over there." I pointed to the wall with the small kitchenette."The bathroom is right here." Can I?" he asked and I nodded. He went inside the bathroom and shut the door. I could hear his loud stream hitting the water in the toilet. It sounded like he had a fire hose in his pants. I heard him flush and wash his hands. He opened the door and I pointed to the bedroom. He peeked his head in and looked at the small room with a twin bed, nightstand and chest of drawers."It's cute," he said.
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