I still to this moment don’t understand why losing yourself in me would be such a handicap for you. I have caught you masturbating in my bed more than once. Do you know how that makes a man feel? To come home and see your beautiful body receiving the pleasure I am dying to give, it is emasculating. You abstain from alcohol and sex for the same reasons. One makes sense, but choosing not to have sex with me, the man you say you want to marry… I just don’t get it. Truly, I can’t handle it anymore.’ In that moment, hearing those words sent me into a state of panic. I know it is crazy to think if I drink one sip of alcohol I will become an alcoholic or if I have sex I will become an addict running to all who offer when my man is spent. But, I am who I am and I am afraid of what I’m afraid of. If I believe the veil of marriage will help protect my loyalties in the area of sexuality, either you accept it or you don’t. My problem is I am always running into the don’ts. I had to make sure. Getting up to draw the shade would mean letting go of Jenny's hand, something I wasn't about to do. I wanted to wake her up and tell her how beautiful she was and how much she was loved. Just thinking about it made me feel so soft and feminine all over. Lately I'd been having more of those kinds of feelings than ever before. It was like Jenny had awaken something deep inside of me, something intensely emotional, almost overwhelming. Feelings that seemed to wash through me in waves and carry me away, helplessly losing myself in them. I could feel that intense desire rising up inside of me for more.Inching my way toward her, Jenny looked like she was made for snuggling, just the right size for me. But I just had to wake her up didn't I? That token fragment of guilt quickly faded in her warm glow."I'm sorry sweetie," Jenny's ear lingering of perfume as I whispered in.She answered, still half asleep. "Is this a dream?" *You* are a dream" I touched the tip of her nose with my finger. "A.
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