But I love you. N x She’d written the lyrics to ‘Don’t Look Back Into The Sun’ at the bottom of the note and scribed ‘It reminded me of you’ at the bottom. At his funeral the following week, she’d placed the letter on his casket, next to a flower arrangement that spelt out his name. She watched it disappear with his body, to be cremated alongside him. She hadn’t cried for him since that day and she didn’t play his song for months. Now and again though, even now, he’d find her listening to it, a sad smile on her face as she lost herself in some memory and he knew that she was remembering him. And it killed him all over again. ‘I’m so sorry Nat,’ he whispered, sliding through the seat to get closer to her. It wasn’t the first time he’d apologised. He’d lost count of how many times he’d said sorry, but it didn’t change anything. He’d still hurt her, still been too stupid and immature to suck up his insecurities and just tell her he loved her. Now she’d never know how sorry he was.. "Do you like gardening?" I like to enjoy the garden, not to work in it. So that's why it is as you see it." I put the coffees down on a little table. They both looked the same as I only took a little milk."That one is yours. I take a spoonful of sugar." She picked up the mug and sipped. I waited. Elaine had suggested this meet, and I was happy to make small talk until she could get to the reason.She looked at a couple of framed photographs I had on the window sill."Are these relatives?" I was amused as she seemed to be avoiding the topic she really wanted to talk about."Yes, that's my daughter, Sarah, and that is my grandson, Will." How old is your daughter?" Forty-four."She looked embarrassed."I am only four years older than her." She sat down again and sipped the coffee. Then she seemed to straighten her shoulders. Ah, I thought, she is going to open the real conversation."It was the first time you know." I didn't know, but as I said at the time, I am not condemning you. We all have.
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